Gigolos, Taxes, Wax, & Donkeys

Yes, folks, this post is about all of those things.  Buckle up.

What's shaking in Blogland, my lovelies?  I'm having a nice, quiet day at home today.  I should be working on a few on-going projects, instead I'm cruising the internet and finding little gems like this one:
 

Clearly, it's shaping up to be a productive 4/20!

Speaking of 4/20, this date is significant to me not because it's all about the good chit, but mostly because today is the day that I became a mother for the first time eight years ago.  That's right, I had a baby on 4/20, which is further proof that the Universe has a fantastic sense of humor.

Anyway, here we go.

Just a Gigolo

Last week I was falling asleep on the couch to United States of Tara when the sounds of televised sexy times awakened me....

WHOA!  I'm awake!

It's called Gigolos,  it's about five straight metrosexual male escorts in Las Vegas, and it's juicy.  Not only do they show the guys hanging out, working out, drinking, and generally one-upping each other, but they also show them on their "dates," and holy cow!  The sex is brief but graphic, and... well, yeah -- I am wiggling my eyebrows suggestively at you right now.

What surprised me most is the types of women who seek out the company of these male prostitutes.  (Oh, sorry - escorts.)

Most of them are extremely normal and not awful looking, which shocked me because since when do average women have such a hard time getting laid that they need to pay for it?  Especially in Vegas?  Please.  But I guess these ladies (and couples) are looking for something specific, with no strings attached...?  IDK.  The guys themselves are interesting characters too -- each have very different styles and personalities.  There's the bleach-blond, tanorexic douchebag, the tattooed, rather dense bad boy, the schmaltzy sensitive dad who works to support his kid, and the educated, seemingly-"normal" guy.  Something for everyone!

So, there you have it -- THIS exists.

Tax Season

Hallelujah, it's over!  My office was maddening all month.

Wax on, wax off

My most recent Oddee article contains photos with a few familiar faces!  I was actually able to use some of my very own pics of us molesting wax figures, so take a peek if you get a chance.

Fun stuff.  :)


I *heart* Toby Turner



"Must...have...peanut!"

Okay, that'll do for now.  Have a groovy day!

Thankful for "high-class problems."

Wow, what a crazy month this has been! I'd like to thank the Snow Gods for keeping the storms away from New England so far--I don't ever remember a dryer December--but it's definitely not beginning to look a lot like Christmas up in here!  We wouldn't say no to a nice big snow storm at the end of this week, mkay?  Thaaaanks.

Today is the annual holiday potluck lunch and Yankee Swap at my crap job. You know, the day when I have to grin and pretend to like my coworkers, pretend to like their crappy cooking, pretend to like the ceramic snowman spoon rest or whatever-the-fuck I'll pull in the swap, pretend to be interested in their annoying, self-gratifying stories, and most importantly, pretend that my job doesn't make me want to shoot myself in the face every fucking day.

That's a lot of pretending, and I'm exhausted already.

I'd much rather be home cuddling with the new puppy we got this weekend!

Wouldn't you?  Look how cute!


I'm comforting myself with the knowledge that it's a 2-day work week for me, so by Wednesday morning I'll be able to finally clean my house and START my holiday drinking wrapping!  Wednesday cannot come soon enough.

Until then, I'm doing my best to shut off the nagging voices in my head (What - you don't hear them?) and be thankful for my "high-class problems."  No more feeling sorry for myself, no more worrying about what everyone else thinks of me.  No more.  Time to grow up and be more appreciative, goddamn it.

I've got a job, a home, and a family that loves me.  There will be presents under the tree on Saturday morning and we always have food on our table and a safe place to rest our heads each night.  I have friends to call when I'm sad and a hilarious and smart sister who has known me longer than I've known myself, and still likes me!  I have a brain in my head and a (relatively) clean bill of health.  It truly is a wonderful life, and I'm so grateful for it.

I'm really hoping that 2011 is a fabulous year for us all.

And now, so you won't all think I've gone entirely soft and mushy, here's a message from our friends at IKEA about cleaning up your toys.  As someone who once experienced a moment of abject humiliation when my two-year-old wandered into the kitchen holding a familiar vibrating object, I can relate.




I'm not sure what the week will bring - maybe I'll blog, maybe I won't, so just in case, I'll say this:

Happy Holidays to all of my beautiful, bouncing BOOBHs! You're spectacular and La Bev loves you.

Musical Monday: Head Over Heels

Good morning, beautiful BOOBHs! How are ya?

I'm doing fine, just feeling a little brain dead this morning. What else is new, eh? This is par for the Monday course! I'm shaking off the cobwebs slowly and might even indulge in an extra cup of coffee. I've got a lot to do this week. Like, a lot, a lot.

Not that "Happy."

Not that I'm complaining; I'm definitely not. I realized this weekend that I am happy.  In fact, I'm happier right now than I have been in quite some time. This writing thing agrees with me - I really feel so much more challenged in the cranial region than I have in ages, and I dig it. Sure, I'm busy as heck and a little stressed about hitting all of my deadlines and doing a fabulous job, but it's a good busy. It's even almost a good stress. Cool.

Any-blab-a-roo, I'm about to dive in and get some shizz done, but not before I share this video that made me seriously LOL this weekend.  Check it out - it's a literal interpretive video for "Head Over Heels" by Tears For Fears.

Head Over Heels: Literal Video Version - watch more funny videos

Have a groovy and productive Monday, mis amigos!

Wordless Wednesday: Pole Dancing

Oh my, what a busy day I've had!  I've been running around all day getting shizz accomplished, but never fear -- I have not forgotten my darling bloggy buddies.  Never!  I've got a few funnies for you and then a super hot pole dancing video.

Heh heh.  You'll see....

But first, the funnies!  Most of these are from HaHaStop.com.

Quite possibly the most awesome haircut EVER.

Not to sound paranoid, but I think my GPS is trying to kill me. Last week it got all turned around and the little cartoon car was actually in the middle of the river, yet the robotic voice kept saying, "When possible, make a U-Turn." How am I supposed to turn around when I'm floating in the Merrimack River, GPS??  How, damn it?

Ahem. Anyway. How about a super hot pole dancing video?

 HA HA! Gotcha. :)

Pretty amazing though, right?


That's it for now, my lovelies! Catch ya' tomorrow.
XOXO

What the HELL am I lookin' at?

Ummmm, yeah.  Just saw this on Dlisted.



I have no response to that, do you?

Musical Monday: Baby-Makin' Edition

And we're baaaaaaack. Hope you all had a great weekend! I'm tired but ready to rock this week out! I've got a ton of work ahead of me but I'm on top of it.

"Where are we with that?"

"That thing you just mentioned, just now? Oh, we're on top of that, Don!"

Before I buckle down and get some shizz done, I have to tell you that recently I rediscovered some awesome baby-makin' music.  Don't get me wrong - I am NOT makin' any more babies - that train has sailed - but still, who doesn't like songs that make you want to get horizontal?

This confession will most likely eliminate all of my hard-earned street cred here on the OOBH, but I don't care.

I'm talking about Sade.

Still amazing after all these years.  I suspect witchcraft.

This woman... wow.  First of all, she has not aged in over 25 years; she still sounds and looks exactly the same as she did when Smooth Operator made her famous in the early 80's.  Recently I saw her new Solider of Love video and I was blown away, so I downloaded a few of her songs and now I can't stop listening to them.  Not only are they sexy and good for... well, sexy times... but they're also great background music for just about anything.  I celebrate her entire catalog.

I think this song is my favorite:



Now, lest you think I've gone completely soft on you, I've got one of the world's crappiest music videos for you to make fun of enjoy as well!  I stumbled across this little gem last week and have been waiting for the perfect moment to spring it on you.  Today, my friends, is that day.

I give you, "Love in a Pub (in Essex)," by Leoncie:



Yes, yes, YES!  It took me almost a full minute to realize that she was speaking English.  This video has it ALL, doesn't it?

Move over, Sade, because Leoncie is coming for your title of Queen of Baby-Makin' Music!

Better get to work, my lovelies.  Have a great day!

Crap. I'm Jeffrey's Mom.

Misery, thy name is Thursday.

Who us, misbehave?

Okay, maybe I'm being a little melodramatic. It happens. But I do feel like something the cat dragged in today. Yesterday was one of those busy, busy days. I set aside some time in the morning to do some work that didn't end up getting done, then drove all over the place in the pouring rain in the afternoon, collected the kids, fed them, dressed them in their new Celtics shirts, and got them to the basketball game in the middle of our very crowded little city - all by myself. The game started off okay -- the boys were excited but good; I got them the cotton candy I had promised along with a hideously-overpriced bottle of Aquafina, and we settled in to watch the team warm up.

Stink Eye Hamster disapproves

Within 5 minutes the woman in the seat in front of Danny was giving us the stink eye; then she asked him to stop kicking her chair.  And so it began.

The boys just could not sit still, and apparently all of the people around us had no children and no recollection of ever BEING children themselves. I'm not sure how many of you BOOBHs are familiar with New Englanders and their ways, so allow me to fill you in.

I love my people, but they are sometimes not an overly friendly bunch. Once you get to know them they're lovely and will give you the shirts off their backs, but crowds of strangers tend to be polite, reserved, and above all, quiet. I'm not a big sports person so this was one of my first times braving a bunch of die-hard fans who wanted to watch this pre-season game with ZERO interruptions, but let's just say that this is one of the main reasons that I've never gone to a baseball game. Quite simply, Red Sox Nation terrifies me. I wouldn't last two minutes among them.

They start 'em young

That being said, the row in front of us last night were not the friendly, "Oh, that's okay! He's just excited!" types of people. They were stink eye-givers to the Nth degree.

I want so badly to be a fun mom. I AM fun, damn it, so all I want is to be able to go to these functions and be goofy and have a good time with my kids.  Yet because I also seem to have a crippling fear of bothering other people, I wind up feeling like the uptight mom who's constantly correcting the kids. M was a wiggly mess by the end of the first quarter - a 40 lb. ball of sneakers and sticky hands who just wanted to run and be freeeeeeee. He kept lying on the disgusting stadium floor trying to worm his way towards the center aisle by army crawling under my legs.  Of course, I wasn't having any of that.

During the time-outs they'd play loud music & show other kids in the stadium boogying, so both the boys would dance, which I encouraged... except D's version of dancing involves making a weird angry face and punching his arms and legs out aggressively in all directions. M then imitates him, so I have two spasmodic punching machines surrounded by frowning, disapproving seat-mates. At one point as I struggled to hold M in my lap so he wouldn't make another break for it, he may or may not have graaaaaazed the head of the woman in front of me with his foot. She was not amused.

I love it when my face sweats

It was exhausting and my good spirits quickly vanished. Jim finally arrived at halftime, at which point both kids seemed to deflate and allow the fact that it was 90 minutes past their very strictly-enforced bedtime to sink in. We had a brief period of them sitting quietly with blank expressions on their faces while I told Jim why I was a sweaty, peevish mess. Their calmness didn't last though, and I finally grabbed my youngest and headed for the door just before the end of the 3rd quarter. At least I beat the traffic getting out of the parking garage, but still. S-s-suuuuuckage.

It will be a very long time before we attempt another professional sporting event; at least 3-4 years. Just thinking about it makes me exhausted all over again!  I was so excited about this event, but when all is said and done the whole thing left me frazzled, sweaty and discouraged.  I was, and am, Jeffrey's mom.



I don't wanna be Jeffrey's mom!

*sigh*

I adore my children, but I think I need to buy stock in Clairol what with all the gray hairs they're giving me lately!  We're taking the boys out of town this weekend on an overnight trip to a crowded city, so I can't wait to see what fresh hell Saturday will bring.  I am truly a glutton for punishment.

Let's Have A Flashback Together!

Errr, does anyone else see that?

Maude Lebowski: What do you do for recreation?  

The Dude:  Oh, the usual. I bowl. Drive around.  The occasional acid flashback.

Okay, okay, we won't REALLY have a flashback, but let's watch a few videos that will probably jog some childhood memories loose!

When I was a kid I loved all of the School House Rock clips that they'd show in between Saturday morning cartoons. I swear this is how I learned what a conjunction and adverb was, not to mention how you should hanker for a hunka cheese when you're hungry!   These were my favorites.

Who else hums this one randomly from time to time? I hope it's not just me!



Elec-tricity! Eee-lect-ricity!



Last but not least, I can't do a post about School House Rock without the legendary "I'm Just a Bill" song!



Bonus vid: Family Guy skewers the Bill, literally.

One last thing - a few of you have already noticed that Mala and I started a new blog called The Angry Owl. It's a rant blog of sorts, but that's where we will discuss real issues that irritate us, but in a humorous way. As you know, I like to keep the OOBH a happy-ish place, so adopting the persona of a pissed-off owl seemed like a good way to have my cake & eat it too! Check it out, if you'd like. We'd love to see you there.

Later, taters!

Hump Day Funnies

Howdy! I've got a busy day ahead of me but have a few funny tidbits to share with my BOOBHs first.  We (in the U.S.) are thisclose to a long weekend, so in keeping with the whole "animals in top hats" theme that I started yesterday, let's get this hump day started!

First of all, I saw a picture over on Lainey Gossip of Lady Gaga arriving at the airport, and her look that day was... interesting. Actually, it gave me flashbacks to the 90's and it took me a moment to put my finger on exactly why that was; then it came to me:

Sorry, Ga, but Patsy Stone did it better.  Nice try, though.


The other night J and I were flipping channels and came across a stand-up routine by the hilarious Louis CK. I caught his show on FX recently and thought it was pretty good, but nothing could prepare me for how funny his stand-up act is.  I laughed so hard I actually had tears rolling down my face, and I don't think that was just the vodka talkin'. Seriously, it was ugly-laughter; face squinted, mouth open, spitty, teary, OMG-I-might-pee-myself laughter.

This was the part that made me lose it. It's NSFW because he swears a lot and it's not exactly PC because he calls his 4 y.o. daughter an asshole. Oh, STFU - we've all thought that about our little darlings before, haven't we? Admit it.



My kids can be total dicks sometimes.  I'm not one of those mothers who's always gloating about my well-behaved kids; when they're good, I praise them like crazy, but when they're bad my husband and I have definitely been known to exchange knowing, "This kid is a total jerk" glances.  I love that Louis CK isn't afraid to go there.  

He's got me - I'm officially a Louis CK fan! I hope you laughed too.

Have a great day!

No Wonder I'm Weird

Howdy, neighborinos! It has been a busy day 'round these parts, but I couldn't resist popping in to give you all the online version of a purple-nurple and a bit of a "how's your father?"

Consider yourself tweaked and groped, won't you?

(You're welcome!)

Since I'm kind of tapped-out creatively today I thought I'd share a few scenes from some of the shows that helped develop my twisted little sense of humor back in my miss-spent youth.

First up, I loved Absolutely Fabulous. In this brief clip we find Patsy & Edina going wine-tasting, and I have NO DOUBT that if I were to make it to wine country with with either of my fellow winos friends Mala or Laurie, this is exactly the kind of scene that would unfold. Minus the driving, that is... 'cause we ain't stoopid.

Next is a favorite of mine from The Kids In The Hall. It was hard for me to choose just one....

"My gazebo!"

Hope these made you giggle!

What about you? What favorite comedy shows molded your young, impressionable minds?

It's a post about 2 unrelated subjects. So?

Hey now, sexy readers! What are you wearing?

*ahem*

Sorry. Force of habit. My other job is as a phone sex operator. Shhhh! Don't tell.

(Actually, I think I'd be really good at that job. Talking dirty to horny dudes? I GOT THIS. How does one go about getting a gig like that?)

Anyfloozy, Yankees owner George Steinbrenner died of a heart attack last night at the age of 80. Though I'm not a Yankees fan I am a Seinfeld fan, so I have a special fondness for the guy who let Larry David spoof him on the regular for all those years.

R.I.P, Mr. S. In honor of your passing, here's my favorite memory of "you":

Of course, you know this is my favorite clip because of my own fondness for sneaking naps under my desk at work. Not that I've ever done that.... Noooooo. That would be wrong.

Hey, speaking of floozies.

You know who's not dead but kind of looks like she is? Dita von Teese. Don't get me wrong, I have an inexplicable fondness for the woman who has made a career out of taking off her clothes. Plus, she used to bone the extraordinarily odd (and fugly) Marilyn Manson.

I don't know why I like her - that's why it's inexplicable. I guess I just dig her retro style and the fact that she somehow manages to make stripping... classy? Also, she is gorgeous despite her butterface.

What? You know you were thinking it.

Here's an ad she did for Perrier:

Hot, right?! I'm suddenly thirsty.

TTFN!
XOXO

Dog Days of Summer

Hey now! How are ya? I'm okay, just plugging along through another boring old weekday. Today is July 1st though, which is awesome. July is my favorite month of the year, and not just because my birthday is right smack-dab in the middle of it, either!

Reasons why July rocks:

- Warm weather & and blue skies
- Everything is lush and green
- The Atlantic is finally warm enough (ish) to swim in without risking hypothermia.
- I take vacation days, so I'm at work less than any other month.
- Did I mention I have a birfday coming up? :)

This year I'm throwing myself having a party for my mumbledy-fifth b-day, and I'm already excited even though it's a few weeks away. I ordered invitations and everything, and I'm asking my guests to wear something sparkly and fabulous for the occasion! Of course, I haven't sent the invites yet, so I sure hope people come... but I'll worry about that another day.

Anyhooters, today I want to talk about furry friends. No, not those kind, ya pervs, the kind that say "woof" and "meow."

Recently I've been feeling the urge to get a family pet. I grew up with a virtual menagerie of animals - we had dogs, cats, horses, rabbits, hamsters, and ducks, to name a few. However, 2009 was the Year of Doom for us; not only did we lose special and important people in our lives, but we also lost the 7 year-old German Shepherd we'd raised from an 8 week old ball of fur, my 14 year old feline BFF, and Jim's horrible, half-wild, annoying cat too. All in one year. It was a rough year at Casa de Bev.

This year is the first time in my life that I've been pet-less.

(Not to be confused with "pants-less," which I am quite often. Don't act so shocked; this is ME we're talking about!)



We've enjoyed the freedom, sure. It's nice to go on vacation and not worry about boarding the dog, and it's great to stay out of the house for 12+ hours with the family without having to rush home to let the dog out. It has been kind of nice.



But we all still have pangs of missing our furry friends. I still wish my cat would come curl up on the arm of the couch and purr while I watch TV at night. I still reach for my dog's big triangular head when I walk in the door. One thing I don't miss: vacuuming up all that hair!



Last night I was home alone and I realized how much I miss having a big old dog lying in the living room with me. I flashed back to all those times when I'd hear some noise and perk up at the same time as my dog, who'd lift his big head off the floor and look at me, suddenly alert. We'd hold eye contact with identical "what was that?!" expressions for a moment before he'd give a low growl and set to barking his head off. I never worried about people messing with us when we had a 110 lb. GSD in the house.



I miss him. For all the annoyances pets can be (I'm not looking forward to potty-training another puppy, for instance), they add so much to our families. Jim misses having a hiking companion. I like taking care of people and animals.

I think I'll start browsing ads again. Why not? We all need a little extra love in our lives.



Speaking of cats & dogs, I found this clip and literally LOL'ed. It's short and predictable but still so worth watching.

What if Lassie were a cat?



That's it for today, amigos. Have a good one, and I'll see you tomorrow for an especially chunky batch of OOBH Stew!

I may be tired, but at least I'm not tired.

Hi all!
I'm extremely tired today, so I can't guarantee that this post will make much sense.

Yeah, yeah, like that's any different from any other day! I know. I'll keep this short and sweet - two things.

Different spokes for different folks:

This morning while driving to work I saw a man on a bicycle. He was fit, in his mid-thirties, and wearing the customary biking gear. The only thing remarkable about him was the fact that his skin-tight biking shirt had hiked up in the back, revealing what can only be described as a tramp stamp.

"Might as well be a bullseye."

NTTAWWT... except there totally is something wrong with that.

I try not to judge, but a dude with a lower back tattoo? It just looked wrong, somehow. If I could have snapped a pic of it I would have, but the light turned green and I had to pilot my motor car so as not to kill anyone.

Next order of business: admit it, this baby dances better than you do.



After I stifled the maternal instinct that told me to get the baby off the goddamn table before he falls and cracks his skull open, I thought this was really cute. Look at him, bustin' a move! Shake what yo' mama gave ya, baby!

That's all I've got today. TTYL, you gorgeous people, you! I need to go find an I.V. caffeine drip.

You wouldn't like me when I'm hungry.

Good Monday morning!

The sun is shining, the birds are singing, and as usual I'm tired as hell and hating my crap job. In other words, not much is new.

Groovy weekend, though! On Saturday night we went to the House of Blues in Boston to see a Led Zeppelin cover band called Get The Led Out. The Malas had seen them before and loved them, and as always our friends did not steer us wrong. Within five minutes of watching them we all agreed that:

1. they rock really, really hard, and
2. we're totally seeing them when they come to Hampton Beach in June. Yes, we're officially GTLO groupies, or Band-Aids, or whatever the heck you wanna call it.



Check out the devil eyes that I'm too lazy to fix! "Don't mess with the Devils! The Devils!!!" ~ David Puddy

It was a fun, fun night - we all get along so well and I really like our new friends M&E. I daresay that despite the fact that she's about as big as a minute, M can even keep up with La Bev & Mala when it comes to cocktails! She's one of us... it's official.


Her husband E and my husband are also having quite the bromance, which inspired us to re-watch the movie, I Love You, Man last night. We'd only seen it once and forgot how funny it is! It's a cute movie and a definite must for Rush fans. So many good lines - after the first viewing we left saying, "Slappin' da bass," but after last night I woke up giggling about "Totes, McGotes."

Anywhooooo. Not much else to report. I'll leave you with this little funny, since I do love to leave ya' laughing if at all possible. The advertising people at Snickers are really hitting 'em out of the park lately, and since it's a well-known (and documented) fact that I get a little... um, cranky when I'm hungry... this commercial really spoke to me!



But you all know that if I'm going to turn into (more of) a diva, I'm gonna be GAGA.



Later, taters!

OOBH Stew: Drug-Addled Edition

There's so much stew this week, everyone! I had to put some into Tupperware to save for next week. Hope you're hungry!

Ingredient 1: More proof that dentists have the best drugs.

Here's a doped-up teenager talking about unicorns and shizz after having some oral surgery, then she busts out some mad rhymes. You go, girl!


Courtesy of Holy Taco

How much do I love (and relate to) her mom for recording her darling daughter's drug-induced blathering and then uploading it to YouTube?

A whole helluva lot, that's how much.

Ingredient 2: Why I *heart* Tina Fey.

That clip reminds me of my current favorite show, 30 Rock; in particular my new favorite episode: Anna Howard Shaw Day.

"One word: oral. Two words: Oral Surgery."

Here's my homegirl Liz Lemon doing her best to avoid all of the Valentine's Day hullabaloo. (Spoiler alert: she fails.) After having to admit that she has no one to drive her home after receiving anesthesia, she sees all of her ex-boyfriends (and a certain NBC-owned 80's rock star) in the waiting room:



Ingredient 3: A pinch of Tween Lust.

Apparently this Justin Bieber kid is some sort of pop star?




This is wrong, but does he look a wee bit special on the cover of People? Maybe it's the carefully-crafted bowl cut that he's rocking? He reminds me of someone.... Oh yeah, that's it.

<--------

According to my beloved Dlisted, even Justin tweeted about how bad he looks on the cover and says, "if u cant laugh at yourself u aint havin fun." Good lad! Now get back on the short bus because it's almost snack time. We're having ants on a log!

Ingredient 4: Whitney Huston is most likely back on the smack.



Color me shocked! No really, this is my surprised face.

Ingredient 5: Jenny McCarthy and Jim Carrey split up.

So a constantly self-promoting ex-playmate ("I'm not a doctor but I still think I know more than they do") and an actor ("I try to be funny to hide my crippling & debilitating emotional depression") couldn't make it work? Jeez, what hope is there for the rest of us?



Well, at least they didn't do something trite like announce their break-up on Twitter or anything. Oh, wait... never mind.


Ingredient 6: True Blood returns to HBO on June 13th, and I already can't f'ing wait!



Um, HELLO! Pardon me while I wipe the drool from my chin!

Yeah, I cannot. wait. To tide you over until June, don't forget that the 11th novel in the Sookie Stackhouse Southern Vampire Mystery series comes out this May 10th! Yes, I buy the books the second they hit the stands, so?

So there it is. Hope you all enjoyed this latest concoction of mine. Good stew comes from good ingredients, so thank you, Pop Culture Universe, for smiling upon us this week!

Have a happy weekend, all!
xoxo

What makes my Happy happy this week

It's a Tuesday that feels like a Monday here at my crap job, so I thought I'd tell you all about a few odds & ends that are making me feel all warm & fuzzy lately. We can all use warm & fuzzy feelings, can't we? I thought so.

Peppermint Tea.

Simple, soothing, aromatic peppermint tea. Aaaahhhhh... feels so good on my throat, smells so yummy, and hopefully will make my stubborn left vocal cord feel like singing again! Eventually.

Tik Tok by Ke$ha.

I tried to ignore this song. I really, really tried. I didn't want to like it, and I honestly don't have room in my life for yet another blonde pop star with overly auto-tuned vocal tracks. But this song... dudes, I just don't know. It must contain crack cocaine, pure & simple. The first time I heard it I thought, "Ugh, this sucks. Go away, Ke$ha!" Then I heard it again and started to do the old head bob, then a little shoulder shimmy made an appearance. Next thing you know, I've downloaded it and am full-out car-dancing and making a fool of myself at stoplights. Oh, the shame!

Now, like all good addicts, I want to get you hooked on it too. Try it - you'll like it!



That girl is a hot mess but damn if I don't find her adorable. Crap! It's just a great party/dance tune, what can I say? I can see myself grooving to it in Laurie's convertible! I can see myself peeling Malomatic up off the dance floor after she decides to examine the club's carpeting up close!

In related news, GAWD, I need a night out!

Leap Year

I saw this movie last weekend. Even though I'm not usually a huuuuge rom-com fan, I do like the odd chick flick from time to time and I adore Amy Adams, so I was eager to see this one. Plus, it was filmed in Ireland and I like movies with nice scenery, so sue me.

It was a-freaking-dorable. I loved it, and not just because Amy is cute as a button and the male lead is handsome and has a fantastic accent, though none of that hurts. It was just a sweet little movie - no big surprises, but the way my life has been lately, I don't want surprises! I want nice, and this movie was just that: nice. I likey.

This Old Spice commercial:



I'm sure it debuted during the Super Bowl, but I don't watch that shizz so I hadn't seen it till the other day. Holy crap, we laughed so hard! I actually rewound and played it back, something I never do with commercials. I just love it! Nice job, Old Spice. Hilar!

So there 'tis. Stuff I dig right this very minute. Hope you dig it too!

Tootles!

Pour some Friday on me

Hello, cheeky monkeys! Sorry to dump on ya yesterday, but thanks for the nice comments and for bearing with me. As is almost always the case, once I purge on my blog I usually end up feeling better the next day. Call it an "Airing of Grievances," if you will.

One last thing about this voice crap that I have to tell you because it's kind of funny - you don't realize what role your vocal cords play in your every-day life until one of them shits the bed on you. For instance, swallowing is hit or miss (stuff goes down the wrong tube a lot - STFU fellas) which makes me cough, and I currently cough like a 90 year old with emphysema (NTTAWWT), and last, well... yesterday I sneezed a couple of times and BOY was that a shocker! It sounds like an explosion! CRAZY! I am soooooo lady-like. *snort*



BUT, it's getting better - BECAUSE IT MUST - so I'm going to ignore it and move on.

Shall we walk & I'll show you some funny things I've been collecting this week? (linking arms)

Let's!

First off, we need to discuss two of this week's many Facebook memes. The first is the Urban Dictionary one which involves going to Urban Dictionary.com and typing in your first name to get the definition, which you then post to your FB profile. A lot of people couldn't post their first UD name meanings because they were too dirty for Facebook; since that's NOT a problem here at the OOBH, I invite you to share them here in the comments section! Personally, I loved mine and would have it tattooed somewhere on my body if I were into that sort of thing, which I'm not. Check it out - disregard the last line.

one who is bringing sexy back; one who is a mammajamma; one who is straight up gangsta; one who is a BFF; one who takes M-Diddy to prom; one who mingles with chemistry teachers; one who has hott buttery buns; one who is hillbilly

YEAH, baby! I love-love-love it. :) What's yours?

Secondly, there's the one where you're supposed to change your avatar to your celebrity doppleganger, but that didn't work for me because I don't resemble anyone famous! What can I say? I'm one of a kind....

When I asked my friends who I looked like they said:

Liv Tyler & Lauren Graham.



After I stopped laughing and thanking them profusely, I told them I didn't see it.

Do you have a celebrity doppleganger? Who is it?

What about the celebs themselves? Who do they pick as their FB dopplegangers? According to Holy Taco:



Last but not least, I found this funny website where an actress-type chica makes webisodes of a show she calls "Very Mary Kate." She plays everyone's favorite anorexic monkey troll/actress and they're all short and really FUNNY! This one's my fave:

Very Mary-Kate, Episode 3 from Mary-Kate Olsen on Vimeo.

So that's my funny shtuff. Hope you liked it as much as I did!

Big weekend plans? I'm just hanging around with my kids this weekend because my BIL is coming to take my husband out of my hair skiing. Will I be watching the Super Cornhole? Nope! Since there won't be anyone around to force me to pretend to enjoy it for the sake of the overpriced and overhyped commercials, I'm gonna skip it. Will I still buy and eat hot wings? You bet your sweet bippy! Bev likes her chicken spicy.

Have a nice weekend, all!
XOXO

What about Blob?

Howdy! So check out this outstanding redneck parking job in the lot outside my office. Snowbanks be damned - Ah've got 4 wheel drive, mama! Nice work there, champ. You keep at it. (Pardon the photo clarity - I took this through the window screen because I'm lazy and it's fraking cold outside!)

Tuesday morning finds me happy but chilly. We're having brutally-cold weather this week but it's sunny and the sky is blue so I can't complain too much. Well, yesterday I had to put gas in my car and it was so windy and bitter that I was definitely complaining then, but we'll overlook that fact for the sake of cheerfulness, shan't we? (Is shan't a word? Fuck it, it stays.) One other thing to overlook yesterday was the fact that I was in such a hurry to get back into my warm car that I managed to dribble gasoline onto my pant leg so I was totally high on gas fumes for the whole drive home. Oh well.

I digress. It's Groundhog Day and of course the little rodent saw his shadow, not that it matters. Here in New England we know that we're in for at least another 8+ weeks of crap-weather regardless of what Punxsutawney Phil has to say about the matter. I'd also be remiss if I didn't post my favorite scene from Groundhog Day, wouldn't I? You know how I have a little thing for Bill Murray....



In other news, let's file this next tidbit under "Sucks to be You."

AAAAHHHHH-CHOOOO!


Oh, excuuuuse me! I seem to have produced a bizarre and rather creepy form of marine life! Hope I didn't get any on ya'.

Doesn't matter though since these little buggers, appropriately named "Blobfish," are going extinct because they happen to live near delicious neighbors like lobsters and crabs. When the fishermen pull up their nets they inadvertantly kill tons of these inedible (and unappetizing!) creatures, so now they're bidding this cruel world a not-so-fond farewell. It's a sad day for Blobfish everywhere!

Today as you go about your business, take a moment to think of the regal Blobfish, won't you?

I know I will.

XOXO

PS) $5 says I just found Frank his new avatar.

A Friday quickie

Just so you don't all think I've gone and fallen off the face of the Earth, I thought I'd throw something up here on m' blawg for you. Pardon me while I stick my finger down my throat.

Today S-U-C-K-E-D massive ball sack. My boss was a whirling dervish of dinkery, and Murphy's Law was in full force. My crap job bores me, so I won't go further into detail for you. Suffice to say that the highlight of my meager working existence today was a hastily-slurped bowl of low fat chicken noodle soup eaten standing up in the kitchen while I hid from my boss. Go, me!

Now that I've finished my work and am about to blow this frozen banana stand I thought I'd show you a couple of things that made me laugh this week. Just a couple, though, because I really do mean to make this quickie short and rough sweet!

First off, there's Oddee.com's list of the 12 Worst Photoshop Mistakes. Because I love the expression, "unhinge your jaw," I think this one is my favorite, though it was really hard to choose just one fave:



Btw, there are tons more of these at the Photoshop Disasters blog.

Did you know there's a whole website devoted to videos of cute things "exploding?" Yeah, me either, but you do now. You're welcome. Note: the cute things don't really explode because that would be sick and wrong. They just use the magic of graphic animation to make it LOOK like the cute things are exploding, which is only sort of sick and wrong.

Behold, my fave:



Last but not least, I stumbled across this little demotivational portrait of writer Hunter S. Thompson and decided it is my new motto. Sure, he was a drug-addled freak, but I'm not gonna let that stop me from diggin' it.



There. Aren't you glad you stopped by? I know I am.

Have a great weekend!
*MUAH*