Stay gold, Ponyboy!

They say that there is nothing so constant as change, and I believe it.

Then again, some things never change:

That had better just be fruit juice, young lady!

I've changed a lot over the years, but deep down inside, I'm still this person (on the left):

And I always will be.  Who else could I be?

It's natural to grow and change as you get older, and we wouldn't be very interesting people if we didn't learn from our mistakes as we fumble along through this life of ours.  We learn more from our failures than from our victories, so the failures make the victories all the sweeter, right?

Anywho, I'm getting all off-track, but I'm too lazy to edit myself into oblivion today.  I actually came here to write about a different kind of change: the change that people go through when they want to be famous.

I got to thinking about this subject after flipping through the FM dial the other day and realizing that Adele's Rollin' In The Deep was on nearly every channel.  Now, I love Adele, and it's a testament to how great that song is that I am not even sick of it (yet).  What I love most about her, however, is that she looks so normal.

She's a beautiful girl, sure, but she's not your typical pop star.  Not only is she an incredibly talented singer and songwriter, but she doesn't fit into that mold that everyone else seems to cram themselves into.  She's a little chubby, just like the rest of us.  She looks great with her hair and make up done, but she also looks fresh and natural when she's caught by the paparazzi getting coffee, etc.  Her voice is sultry, soulful, and strong, and she looks the part.  In short, I think she's adorable and I hope she never changes.

But I'll bet she will, because nothing gold can stay.

Since when do singers all have to be skinny and drop-dead gorgeous, anyway?  Who decided that the public couldn't (or shouldn't) tolerate fat or ugly people who happen to have talent?  These days, the minute someone makes it really big they go from looking like this:

 To looking like this:

Which, in my opinion, is boring has hell.  Sure, if Jennifer Hudson here is healthier and happier, then good for her!  But I somehow doubt she starved herself went on Weight Watchers to be healthier.  She went on a huge diet because she was sick of feeling like the Goodyear blimp at fittings, and tired of carrying the "Proud Fat Chick" banner for the rest of us.  I'm not blaming her, I'm just saying that with talent like hers, she should be able to look any way she wants.

Isn't that right, Aretha?

That's right, baby!

Anywho, just a friendly reminder from your neighborhood Bev to be kind to yourself.  Love yourself, even if you have a few pounds to lose or have adult acne or massive breasts that are just a little bit terrifying.  There's only one you, and you are awesome.

That is all.

Have a great week!

PS)  Since Frank asked me what the title means, I'm adding this note in case anyone else doesn't get the reference.  "Stay gold, Ponyboy" is a line from the movie, The Outsiders, which is based on the book by S.E. Hinton. The line is referring to this poem by Robert Frost:

Nature's first green is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf's a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf,
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day
Nothing gold can stay.

*dusting off hands* I think we've all learned something here today. My work here is done!

Aging: You're Doing It Wrong

Happy Monday! You'll never believe it, but all of my whining over being sick of winter finally paid off this weekend! We enjoyed 70 degree weather with a fair amount of sunshine yesterday, and it was everything that I hoped it could be, and more. Vitamin D was Mother Nature's way of bitch-slapping me out of my funk, so I'm finally back to my usual blatherings here at OOBH Central. Praise Cheeses!

The return of that large fiery ball at the center of our universe got me thinking about sunscreen, naturally. When you're like me and have the coloring of a Scottish albino, you have to think about these things early and often. I'm only in my mid-thirties, yet in the fine lines of my face I can already see evidence of every sunburn and tan I've ever inflicted upon myself, so I've become one of these sunblock fanatics who never leaves the house unprotected.

We all have to get older, and it sure beats the alternative! But we don't have to LOOK old, now do we?

Which brings us to my point (yes, I do have one... for a change), and that is those celebrities who walk among us yet don't seem to be aging at the same rate as the rest of us mere mortals. Sure, many (most?) of them rely heavily upon Dr. Cutsalot and his magical scalpel, not to mention all of those scary plastic injectables and whatnot... but there seem to be a few famous folks who have somehow managed to slow the hands of time so much that they look pretty much the same as they did a decade ago.

SHENANIGANS!

Is it witchcraft?  Deals with the devil? Some sort of Picture of Dorian Gray dealio?  You decide.

Christie Brinkley

This woman is 57 years old.  FML.

Paul Rudd

Baby face, much?

Gwyneth Paltrow

Yes, we hate Gwyneth, but bitch is NOT aging.

Halle Berry

I hope she's "must look away" scary in her next life.  Seems only fair.

Iman

Maybe starting to look a trifle plastic?  Still... wow.

Keanu Reeves

I don't care if he technically "can't act," he has always made me feel funny in my pants

Sharon Stone

Maybe it's the CrAzY that keeps the wrinkles away?

Julianne Moore

This redhead credits staying out of the sun for helping to keep her skin smooth.

Susan Sarandon

Mother.  Lover.

Since every coin has two sides, next let's take a look at a few celebs who are not aging so well.

 Lindsay Lohan

24 years old. Twenty-four. Years.  OLD.

Jude Law

That is one unfortunate hairline, my good man!

 Pam Anderson

See also Damage, Sun

 Jessica Lang

Jessica, STOP with the facelifts!  Your eyebrows are almost into your hair!

 Kathleen Turner

This is NOT the Joan Wilder I knew and loved!

 Madonna

More like Madame

Twins?

 Nicole Kidman

...and your little dog, too!

Luke Wilson

Middle Age: it's comin' for us all.

There's my list -- who's on yours? 

The Big Game Recap, AKA: My Cheeto Hangover

Whussup, my humps? How are you all doing on this lovely Monday morning?

I'm pretty good. I have horrible heartburn from eating so much delicious food yesterday, but that's nobody's fault but my own. I don't know what it is about the Stupid Bowl that makes me think it's okay to eat pizza, wings, AND Cheetos all in the same day, especially because I don't even like football.

Yeah, I said it. I don't like football. At all. I don't even feel badly about not liking it, so there!

I was present in the room while the game was on, but only so that I could watch Xtina mangle the National Anthem, see the much-hyped ads (which, correct me if I'm wrong, sucked this year?) and watch the halftime show (ditto). During the game itself I was plugged into my laptop watching crap on Netflix that no one else in my house ever wants to see; a documentary about life after death? Yes please!

That being said, let's get it over with and talk about poor Chrissy fucking up the words to our most cherished and hard-to-sing song. First of all, the girl has pipes and no one can take that away from her. I'm not generally nuts about all the embellishments she adds BUT it's a hard song to sing and everybody makes mistakes, so I don't think she's a terrorist. People need to settle down and back the truck up, am I right? I'm sure she feels awful and has already issued an apology, so this whole thing does nothing to either improve or harm my already ambivalent attitude towards her.

The Bev has spoken! Case closed. ;)

That being said, I think they should have asked this little girl to sing the song and then cut the audio out so that we could have a repeat of this wonderful moment of human kindness:



Speaking of audio cutting out, did everyone catch the halftime show?

Ohhhhh, snap, someone's gettin' fired over that one! I actually like the Black Eyed Peas--not enough to buy a whole album, but I have downloaded some of their big hits. I swear to dog that I would never have lost my baby weight without, "My Humps" and "Let's Get It Started" blasting in my ears at the gym! I also think they put on quite an impressive show with all those neon-lit dancers surrounding the stage. However, I didn't realize that two of the Peas do little more than jump around in flashing LED suits while Will.i.am and Fergie hoot and holler. I felt bad for the guy with the mohawk; dude only had one line to sing and his mic wasn't even on for half of it.

Basically, aside from all the star appearances and the masses of back-up dancers in funky space outfits, the whole thing sounded like bad karaoke. And trust me, I know what that sounds like!

Since I'm a child of the 80's I enjoyed seeing Slash pop up out of nowhere and then disappear back into the bowels of the stage with no explanation whatsoever, though friends of mine who are not tone deaf (as I am) tell me that Fergie was off-key for most of Sweet Child O' Mine. I really wouldn't know.

Finally, any appearance by Usher is a-ok by me... it's a well-documented fact that I dig me some Usher. One of my Facebook friends posted the most hilarious comment from his 8 year-old; he said, "Wow, Usher is a great dancer! He's like Michael Jackson only black."

D'oh! From the mouths of babes....

As for the ads... meh. I didn't see any that blew me away with the exception of one that my sister showed me before the game had even started. She said it reminded her of my kid, and she is SO right!



Sooooo, there you have it: a football non-fan's take on the biggest game of the year. Don't just take my word for it--tell me what you thought!

Shameless Wednesday

I finally had a chance to watch Showtime's new series, Shameless, and I liked it quite a bit. It's an ensemble drama starring William H. Macy as a drunken lout with six kids, the oldest of which (Emmy Rossum) is raising the others. I didn't expect much from this show because the reviews were hardly what you'd call glowing, but I was pleasantly surprised. It's equal parts funny, sad, quirky, grungy, and downright juicy!

Plus, this guy is in it:

How big is it, Justin?

Justin Chatwin plays oldest daughter Fiona's love interest, and he is... let's just say, cute. Okay, if I'm being honest... he's freaking adorable in a too-cool-for-school, skinny-jean-wearing-hipster kind of way.  Mama like.


Speaking of shameless, did you guys hear that Octomom is doing fetish porn now?

In case you couldn't tell, this pic is courtesy of TMZ.

Yup, that's her whipping a grown man who looks like Mario who's wearing a baby bonnet.  Wow.  It's not surprising that she'd go into porn -- I think we all expected that as an inevitable truth -- but this is even more out-there than I could have hoped!  Sometimes life is just too perfect, don't you think?  So... poetic.

And finally, this isn't shameless, it's just a shame:

Hefty bag space cowboy?

WTF, Adam Lambert?  I usually (not so secretly) love his whole guyliner/leather-studded kiss in the sand look, but this?  Sheer fuckery.  I'm not amused, Adam. 

Okay, maybe I am, a little.

Happy Hump Day!

Those are some Golden Globes!

After being stuck indoors watching Nickelodeon for two straight days I was ready for some adult-ish entertainment last night, but I'm still amazed that I made it through the entire Golden Globes broadcast without switching the channel.  That's definitely a first for me, although you all know I'm a big ol' entertainment junky.  I've gotta say, I enjoyed the show!  I think part of me was just getting primed up for stalking celebrities in their natural habitat next month when I'll be in L.A. at the same time that the Academy Awards are being held.*

Last year's best Golden Globes

I'll offer up my thoughts on the show.  I know the web will be innundated with other people's thoughts on the shows/fashions, but who gives a flying fig?  They're not La Bev, now are they?

Out of Bev's Head: come for the boobs, stay for the irreverent commentary and Asian spammers!

Ricky Gervais as the host.

I was/am a huge fan of his original British Office, but frankly Ricky can be rather hard to take sometimes.  I absolutely hated The Invention of Lying, and I find his in-your-face atheism annoying.  Know this: I don't care what anyone's religious (or non-religious) views are -- I simply don't care.  The way he is always telling the world that they're dumb for believing in God makes him just as bad as the people who tell us we're going to hell if we don't believe.  Get over it, dude. 

That being said, I did recently watch his HBO stand-up special and it was pretty funny, so I was looking forward to seeing him host the Globes.  At the very least, I love it when celebs insult other celebs!  Ricky didn't disappoint.  Five minutes into his opening monologue he had already picked on Charlie Sheen and his high-priced hooker/binge weekends, lambasted Angelina Jolie's stinker of a movie, The Tourist, and called Hugh Hefner a "member of the walking dead" and advised his 20-something bride-to-be not to "look at it when you touch it."

ZING!

Career Suicide?

After the way he insulted people it will be interesting to see how his career pans out.  Hollywood isn't known for being particularly self-deprecating.


Anyway, on to my favorite part of any awards show -- critiquing the pretty people in their expensive clothes!  So what if I'm wearing a shirt with a stain on it and will have to unbutton my pants after lunch?  I'm perfectly qualified to judge the stars.  ;)

Pics courtesy of Getty Images.

Angelina Jolie

I hate to admit that she looks good. The dress style is a little matronly for my tastes, but I love that color.

 Anne Hathaway

"That Hansel is so hot right now.  Hansel."

 Halle Berry

This just looks like a foundation garment (AKA: a corset) to me.  Yes, Halle, we get it -- you're still hot.  Settle down.

James Franco

Love the suit, love the smirk, love him.

January Jones

Tits McGee.  Also, boobs.

 Jenny from the Blech

On the red carpet this looked great, but when she presented an award was way too sparkly and wedding dress-y under the lights.  Since I am not a big La-Lopez fan, I have to say that from the neck down, it's gorgeous.

 Jeremy Renner

I hate his shiny, dainty shoes!

 ???

I don't know this guy's name, nor do I feel like looking it up.  He will always be "Landing Strip Head" to me.

 Leighton Meester

From the Little House on the Prairie collection.

 Megan Fox

I'm going to go ahead and add her to the, "Not Aging Well" category, mainly because she is skeletal.  Megan, it's called a cheeseburger -- look into it.

 Michelle Williams

Boring babe in boring beige. The color of this dress reminds me of support hose.

 Rupert Murdoch and his wife

I'm sure they have a lot in common.  (I ain't sayin' she a gold-digger)

 Sandra Bullock

Welcome to Frumpville, population YOU.  The slouchy dress/pose and the bangs? No.

Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta Jones

Yay for a recovered Jack T. Colton!  CZJ looks amazing in that color, too.

Natalie Portman

Everyone is picking on Natalie's dress.  I don't love pink & red together or the big glittery rose, but I still think she looks lovely.

Seal and Heidi Klum

She looks like she should be meeting Dorothy, Rose, Sophia and Blanche on the lenai.  Seal's shoes remind me of those yucky, furry little black & tan beetles you see around garbage cans in the summer.

Julie Bowen

This dress is the color of dishwater.  It looks like a dog chewed it up and dragged it through a mud puddle.

Helena Bonham Carter

THIS bish.  I love that she just doesn't give a fuck.  Seriously -- the mismatched shoes might as well be a raised middle finger.

So there are my thoughts.  Got any of your own you'd like to share with the group?

*No, I won't be attending the show... but I'll be there gettin' my stalker paparazzi on. ;)