Drink in moderation, do drugs rarely if ever and never hard ones, and above all, sunblock, sunblock, sunblock!
What in fucking fuckerson has happened to Lindsay Lohan?! I know, I know, I've asked this question before. But lately every time I see her picture she looks like she just blew a homeless guy in an alley in exchange for a half-eaten ham sandwich and a ride home. Well, assuming homeless guys have cars, which I'm not exactly sure about. I guess it depends on the homeless guy.
Whatever, my point is that she looks like Tara Reid if Tara Reid had been deep fried in bacon grease and left baking in the Arizona desert for a several days. Heck, I'd even venture to say that Tara Reid never looked this bad in all her alcoholic stupor Franken-tit glory days! When you are being unfavorably compared to a washed-up "coulda-shoulda-been" like Tara, it's time make some tough life decisions, LiLo. And for god's sake, exfoliate & moisturize that shit!
She is only 23 years old. TWENTY-THREE. When I was 23 I did not have a single line on my face. Not one! I have photographic evidence to prove it, too! Remember, just a few short years ago, Lindsay looked like this.
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Alrighty then, now that I've gotten my little PSA off my chest, let's get on wit' it, shall we? I know you're all DYING for an update on my rash, and who am I to leave you hanging? When last we saw our heroine (settle down, Lindsay, not that kind of heroin) she was moping and strung out on Benedryl. Well, this morning my rash had all but disappeared, but my left eye was swollen almost shut when I woke up. WOOHOO! So I popped some more antihistimines and went to see a doctor, and wouldn't ya know it? By the time I got there everything was gone. HAHAAHAHAHAHA! My life totally rules.
Needless to say, he didn't have much advice for me. I'm a mystery wrapped in a puzzle with a side dish of enigma. Delicious! The good news is that I've decided not to give a fuck anymore. If it happens again I'll just take the dang Benedryl or Zyrtec or whatever and wait for it to pass. Life's too short and I hatehatehate having something wrong with me, so I'm taking the Ostrich approach from now on. Denial, hurray!Aside: While searching for that Ostrich image, I came across this little gem:
AAAAAAAACK! I know it's fake (right?!), but... wow. It is fake, right?
Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?
Okay dokey, I've confused you all enough for one day, I'm sure. I'm gonna go ahead and blame this entire post on the Benedryl. Well, and the Meth. Mmmm, delicious Meth.
Gotta go!
